Life Or Something Like It
by PinkLinenOnWhitePaper
Summary: A heartbreaking, failed relationship leaves Kagome cynical about the possibilities of love, until someone comes along and causes her to rethink her pessimism. Kag/Sess
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of it's characters.**

_A/N: All right, bear with me. Characters are a little OOC (mostly just Kagome's language), but don't worry, I'll have that back on track once I get all of this set up. Since, the Northwest of the US is what I know, that's where this fic is set. Keep in mind that this is just the prologue, setting up Kagome's back story. The next chapter is where it really begins._

"What is it that you want from me?" I pleaded desperately, my eyes desperately searching his amber eyes for some kind of sign or explanation. "I don't know how I can possibly try any harder than I've been trying."

He stood there, somber, not saying a word. He never did.

"You told me that you were going to be happier once you left Kikyo, but the only thing that has seemed to have done is create more distance between us. Six months, Inuyasha, six months, I've been drowning in this with you! I can't drown any more. I'm not asking for the god damned world. I'm just asking for you to fucking try. Even half as hard as I've been trying. Why is that so freaking difficult?"

I could feel the stinging tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I loved this man, who obviously did not love me in return, and it hurt. What hurt even more was that I was hurting him. Sure, he didn't love me, but he did care, and I was hurting him. I could see it hiding behind his eyes; the guilt, the shame. It made me want to take it all back, tell him I didn't mean it, that I was sorry, just like I did every other time we had this stupid conversation. It took every the willpower of every fiber in my being to keep my hands to myself.

"I love you," I sobbed, a deluge of tears streaming down my flushed cheeks. "Dammit, I do! But I don't love this relationship. I don't love what it does to me. From the time this twisted semblance of a relationship started until now, I've done nothing but break my heart on a daily basis, hoping that it was enough to make you happy. But it isn't, and I don't know what the hell it's going to take. Kikyo couldn't make you happy, and I sure as hell am not enough, but I can't keep hurting myself this way. It's no good for my self-esteem. I've thrown away plenty of good opportunities where I would've had the chance to be happy, and I'm not doing it anymore. I would rather settle for someone who treats me well, even if I'm not crazy about them, than settle for misery with someone I love. I'm tired of hurting and crying and driving myself insane hoping that you'll change. I'm tired of giving you the benefit of the doubt and making excuses for you. I'm tired of putting my feelings and my needs last consistently. I don't even think you realize that I have feelings half the time."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm an asshole," he mumbled, lowering his eyes.

"That's all you have to say?" I roared infuriated. "That's not going to solve anything. Do you think that's what I want to hear, because really, it isn't. If that's what I thought, I wouldn't have wasted so much of my time on you. I don't know how many times we've gone over this. You used to be so open and caring and communicative when you were cheating on Kikyo, now it's like you just shut down. What happened? I didn't force you to leave her. You did that all on your own. You decided you wanted me, so you have no reason to resent and punish me for this. I understood the first few months, you were grieving. Even if you're ready for a relationship to end, it hurts, I know this, but I can't keep pretending to be completely understanding and happy any more. You've had more than enough time to move on and start working on this, and you haven't taken the chance. I'm done. I really am. I tried. God, I tried as hard as anyone can try, and I'm tired of not being good enough."

"I know you have," he said quietly, his eyes still not meeting mine. "I can't blame you."

"You know, you say that, but if you really honestly realized all of this, why didn't you damned thing about it? I'm sorry, but I need to go. I'll see you at work," I muttered, slipping out of his apartment before he could say anything else. I was sobbing as I unlocked my car and seated myself behind the wheel of the silver compact vehicle. I put my head down on the steering wheel for half a second, trying to gain some composure, and looked up. He wasn't chasing after me. I knew that he wouldn't.

I brushed my thick black bangs out of my face and wiped my eyes, trying to prevent another violent sob from wracking my body. This hurt like hell, but I also felt strangely liberated. It's not like I was going to have to be alone. I had plenty of guys asking me out all the time. In fact, I had spent all last weekend hanging out with Hojo from work, since Inuyasha usually fell off the face of the Earth over weekends (and this one had been no exception). Sure, he was goofy and really not my type, but he was nice and considerate, and he actually made the effort to spend time with me. Also, he was gentlemanly, and there were no expectations. It had been a fun, relaxed and low-key weekend. And, at least, with Hojo, I would never have to worry about getting my feelings stomped on like Inuyasha had for the past half a year.

I turned the key in the ignition, listening to high pitched whine of the engine in my little car as I pulled out of the parking lot of the apartment complex. I was dreading work. That's how this whole ordeal started, anyway, stupid job. Maybe if I did more than just work and actually went out and met people every once in awhile, I wouldn't have fallen for a coworker.

Who was I kidding? There was no way I could have resisted those amber eyes or that heart-rending smile. I melted every time I saw it. I had developed a crush immediately upon starting that shift. He only made it worse coming into my office and flirting all the time. And when he started complaining about how awful his girlfriend was and telling me how amazing he thought I was, how could I resist?

"You're such a sucker," I sneered at myself making an overly sharp left turn onto a winding back-road. I had been alone for so long, especially after moving to this nowhere town in the middle of the desert, it had felt good to connect with someone. And what a connection we had. We shared the same hobbies, loved the same movies, listened to the same music. It was like we had known each other our whole lives. I stood no chance.

When I fell, I fell hard and fast. Things moved along rather quickly. He started sneaking around behind his girlfriend's back, telling me all about his plans to leave her for me when the time was right and discussing plans to move into my new house with me after the lease in his apartment was up. Work was my favorite time of day, because I got to spend time with him. Everything was so perfect.

It got better when he left her the first time. He came over all the time. Played stupid board games with my idiot friends and I, for lack of anything better to do, watched movies, and spent the most amazing nights I'd ever had over at my house. He'd invite me to stay at his apartment, and I'd stay there until work, completely ecstatic that we were spending so much time together so easily and eagerly. And it went on like that, for two weeks of pure perfection. Then I got the phone call.

He was going back to her. He felt guilty about some thing or another, it didn't really matter to me. All I knew was that my heart had been ripped from my chest. All I could do was cry. I cried myself sick and didn't stop until the weekend was over, and I had to return to work.

I wasn't angry with him. When he asked me how I was doing, I was so excited that he stilled cared enough to check up on me. That first week was tense, but once he realized he wasn't in trouble, things went back to normal. We would sneak off during breaks for some alone time, and he would call me on his drive home from work. It wasn't quite what I wanted, but I would settle for it, for the time being.

Eventually, I started getting annoyed by the situation. I was tired of coming in second place to Kikyo, especially when all he did was complain about how miserable he was with her. When I told him I was done with the situation (I wasn't going to ask him to choose), he told me he was going to leave her again. I waited two weeks, and he did nothing. I tried ending things again, with the same result. Again, I waited. This time he actually kept his word, although it took him another week. He spent that weekend helping her move out of his apartment, and spent a day or two with me. The next weekend I didn't hear from him. He stopped visiting my office at work. He still called me after work, but didn't really talk. I figured he was recovering from the break up, but it continued like that for months.

I started to get depressed, but I was too afraid of losing him to say anything. So I did everything I could to make him happy. Bought lunch for him every day at work, sent him cute texts occasionally, told him how wonderful he was every evening when he would call me after work, but none of it mattered. The more I tried, the more withdrawn he became.

I finally broached the subject, and he sounded like it mattered to him. He even made an effort for a few days, but it didn't last. I started spending my weekends with other people, instead of waiting at home, all the while, planning on freeing myself from this situation, but every time I'd see him at work, I'd chicken out, forgive him, and go back to being completely selfless and caring toward him, enjoying every second of attention I received. For awhile I convinced myself that those moments, though few and far between, made all my suffering worth it. Eventually, I got tired of it again, we had more discussions, nothing changed.

I pulled into my driveway, checking for nearby neighbors, who would ask all kinds of nosy questions about my tear-stained face. When I was certain that I was clear, I headed into my house to change into my uniform. My mind was still focused on Inuyasha.

After months of waiting around and dealing with bullshit, I, Kagome Higurashi, ultimate doormat, had finally put my foot down. I quit handing out free chances and making excuses, and even though it hurt like a son of a bitch, I was proud of myself.

"Now let's hope my resolve lasts throughout the work day," I mumbled, pulling my hair back and making a disgusted face into the mirror. For the first time since I started my shift out at the helicopter hangar, I was dreading work.


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of it's characters.**

_A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews I've already received! You guys made it way easy and rewarding to push out another chapter. Thanks for your support. Your suggestions and any constructive criticism are more than welcome! Thanks for reading! :)_

God, I hated Mondays. I stepped out of my car into the already almost full parking lot at the hangar. It was almost four in the afternoon, and the sun was already beginning it's descent in the sky. It burned my already stinging eyes. At least I worked nights. I would only have to deal with a dozen people questioning my puffy eyes, instead of the hundred day-shifters that I could easily avoid for the hour of work we shared. The only bad part about my job was that Inuyasha was on the same shift.

"That's what you get for falling for a coworker, you idiot," I berated myself, entering the fairly new brick building from one of the back doors. There was no way I was going in through the front today. I unlocked the tool room door, and Kaede greeted me with a warm smile. She was the oldest female coworker I had, and one of the only ones.

"Good evening, child," she said in salutation. Some people would be offended by her greeting, but I knew she meant it affectionately, not offensively. Anyway, I was one of the youngest people to work out at the hangar. Compared to her, I was a child.

"Hey, Kaede. How's your day been?"

"Not much of anything has happened today. Are you okay, Kagome? You look distressed."

I shrugged. "It's not really a big deal," I replied forcing a smile. She didn't push the issue. "I'm going to go the night shift meeting. I'll be back in a little."

I left the tool room, sauntering toward the conference room with a feeling of complete dread. I was going to have to face him at this stupid meeting. Maybe I'd get lucky, and Hojo would sit next to me. Sure, he was overeager and a little annoying, but he was funny and sweet, and he would offer a welcome distraction from my current situation.

I wasn't the first one into the conference room. I smiled half-heartedly at the young man seated at the end of the table. He was around my age, twenty or so, and I knew he was a mechanic. He smiled back. I never really talked to many of the people on my shift. I was the only girl, and I was quiet and shy, but I always tried to be friendly.

One by one, the rest of my coworkers filed into the conference room. Inuyasha took a seat across from me at the table. I looked down, trying desperately to avoid eye contact. One of the older guys took the seat next to me. My spirit sank. I wouldn't be gifted with the welcome distraction that Hojo could have provided. I tried to listen into the conversation going around the table as everyone discussed their weekends while waiting for the boss to start the meeting, but nothing really interesting caught my attention.

Finally, Carl, the night shift supervisor, entered the room, closing the door behind him. He took role, then divvied tasks up between the mechanics, briefing us about the days events. I never listened. None of it really applied to me, since I worked in the back-shops. My job was easy. Look up parts for the mechanics, issue them out, and order anything we didn't have. Usually nothing was needed, so I spent my evenings surfing the web and watching TV online. As long as these extra-curricular activities didn't get in the way of me completing any assigned tasks, Carl didn't really care what I did.

The meeting came to a close, and I hurriedly exited the room, still avoiding eye contact with Inuyasha. As I was rushing back away from the man who shattered my heart, Hojo called out after me.

"Geez, Kagome.. You're sure in a hurry," he commented genially.

"Yeah, that meeting's brutal. I hate Mondays, anyway. Just wanna get the day started so it can end already," I replied with a shrug. He nodded in agreement as I turned down the hall the opposite way, leaving him to continue walking toward his shop. I stopped in the bathroom, emptying my stomach of any remaining contents I had not already expelled upon arriving home from Inuyasha's, before meandering back to the tool room.

Inuyasha didn't come in all night. I almost missed him sitting there at the desk, watching TV with me on his breaks. I almost forgot to go to lunch without him coming in and asking where we were going to eat. When he didn't call on the way home from work, I broke down sobbing.

"It really is better this way," I tried to convince myself through my tears, the nausea in my stomach saying otherwise.

The week continued on this way, to my dismay. It was miserable. I had always used to look forward to work, and now I became nauseous just thinking about it. I wanted to shut down completely.

My roommate, Sango, worried, when she noticed that none of the hot pockets in our fridge were going missing. We worked different shifts, so we hardly saw each other throughout the week, but she texted me constantly to make sure I was still alive and functioning. At first, it was nice that I had someone that actually cared enough to worry, but I was really starting to get annoyed with her constant worrying. It wasn't like I had never had my heart broken before. It just hurt more this time than it ever had before.

After what seemed like an eternity, Thursday rolled around. I was looking forward to my three-day weekend. I needed a break from work. It was much easier to get my mind off of Inuyasha, when he wasn't around to constantly obsess over. What was even better was that Hojo came in and invited me over to watch movies with him and the rest of the electronics shop after work. It was going to be the perfect distraction.

I started watching the clock, impatient for the night to end. I was strangely excited to go out and do something. My aching heart (and stomach) definitely needed a break from all this depressed moping. It was so unlike the happy-go-lucky me that I was really starting to miss. How was it that Inuyasha could make me so crazy? It was like he had turned me into a different person. I noticed the long black minute hand lurch forward agonizingly slowly and looked down at my desk. Watching the clock was like watching a pot of water until it boiled. It would only make time seem to go by more slowly.

The door opened, and I looked up immediately, hoping for some playful banter or at least some menial task from one of the mechanics. It was Inuyasha standing in the doorway, struggling to make eye contact and looking like he was ready to bolt at any given second. I felt the pieces of my shattered heart leap up into my throat and silently willed myself invisible. It was to no avail. He stood there, a deep sadness reflecting in his perfect golden eyes as he studied me.

"How ya holdin' up?" he muttered, letting the door close behind him, sauntering cautiously toward my desk.

"I'm fine," I lied, turning my eyes back to the computer screen, hoping I sounded believable.

"That's good to hear."

"Is there something you need?" I asked, sharply, sounding more rude than I intended. My eyes were beginning to burn. I could feel the tears beginning to well up in the corners of my eyes.

"I just wanted to make sure you're ok. Sorry, if I'm bothering you." He went to turn away, as I struggled to choke back a sob. I didn't realize it was possible for my heart to fracture any more than it already had, but, here he was, breaking it even more.

"You should know that's impossible, Inuyasha," I sighed in defeat, wiping my eyes surreptitiously. I hated hurting him, more than I hated being hurt. I was putting his damned feelings first again. God, I was so stupid. He gave me a perfect half smile, melting my heart even more.

"Any big plans this weekend?" he inquired, changing the painful subject and taking a seat in the extra computer chair next to my desk. I was relieved. For as clueless as he often was, he could be surprisingly perceptive sometimes.

"Well, Hojo invited me to hang out over at his place tonight after work with the other guys in his shop," I replied, almost smugly, secretly hoping that he felt at least a twinge of jealousy.

"You gonna go?"

"Yeah.. I think I am."

"Oh, cool." He didn't sound like he thought it was very cool. "Don't drink too much, okay? I know those guys get pretty wild some nights."

"You sound like my mom," I said, rolling my eyes. I hated his concern for me. I was going to get trashed tonight, just to spite him. He sure picked a funny time to start acting like he actually cared about me.

"Don't say that," he replied in annoyance, his eyes narrowing.

"Well you do."

"It's weird not talking to you on the drive home after work," he admitted after a long, awkward silence. I cringed inwardly. Hadn't he broken my heart enough for one lifetime?

"Yeah, I know how you feel," I acknowledged to my chagrin. Stupid Kagome. Why was I letting him get the best of me? I was letting him know that he still had some stupid amount of control over me.

"Well," he started more loudly than he really intended, rising suddenly from the swivel chair he had been seated in, "it's about time to go home. I gotta go lock up my toolbox. Have a good weekend."

"You too," I mumbled, giving him a sad half-smile. I really could not wait to be on my way to Hojo's tonight. I was now, even more so than before, in desperate need of a good distraction.


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters, nor am I affiliated with X-Box, Playstation, Coca-Cola or Captain Morgan's.**

I sat in my car fiddling with my keys a moment as I looked up at the house I had just pulled up in front of. It was two stories, but that's all I could discern in the surrounding blackness. This particular street in the subdivision seemed devoid of any streetlights. I opened my car door, almost gasping at the shock of the crisp autumn air. I shivered and pulled my jacket tight around me wishing it was still summer. Winter was too cold.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, it's beating quicker than it should've been. Why was I so nervous? I decided it must be the idea of a new situation. I'd never been to Hojo's house before. I had never spent time with him or any of his friends outside of work. The prospect was a little daunting.

Not that Hojo made me nervous. I didn't have enough feelings for him to be nervous because of him. In fact, I really had no feelings for him. Sure he was goofy and fun, but that was where the buck stopped. He was a distraction from the pain of my shattered heart and an ego boost.

The thought made me cringe. Hojo was a great guy. He would be the most attentive and considerate boyfriend. I would never wonder where I stood with him, and he would take the time to make sure I was happy, unlike Inuyasha. He would be crazy about me, which, after all, was what I really wanted. Just not from him. I wanted someone I was crazy about to be crazy about me. How could I disregard someone else's feelings for the sake of my own?

"I'm going to hell," I muttered under my breath finally wandering to front door, still feeling more nervous than I had reason to. I just needed a few drinks, and those jitters would disappear.

The door creaked open as I approached. I didn't even have the chance to knock. Behind the door stood a portly man, with cropped blonde hair. I gave him an odd, confused look before smiling at him. I had not expected the door to open on its own.

"Hey Will," I greeted. He was one of the electronics guys that I worked with. "How's your night going?"

He shrugged before saying, "Everyone's upstairs," and gesturing toward a carpeted stairway behind him with his thumb. I nodded a polite thank you and made my way up the stairs. The scene that lay before me when I reached the top of the stairs definitely screamed bachelor pad.

There was a bar in the far left corner, half empty bottles of liquor and plastic cups strewn about it. An enormous blue couch stretched out across one wall and across from the couch was a full home theatre system, complete with an X-Box 360 and a PS3. Next to the entertainment center sat a cherry red bass guitar and an amp. There was a random assortment of portable furniture scattered across the room as well.

Hojo was seated in the middle of the couch, X-Box controller in hand. Another guy from the electronics shop was seated on a folding chair to the left of the couch, a brown glass bottle in hand. I took a seat on the couch next to Hojo and turned my eyes to the large TV. A pixilated Army man was running around what looked like a dusty city in some third world country.

'Silly boys are never too old to play army,' I thought to myself with a half smile.

"Hey!" Hojo grinned switching the game off with the wireless controller he had in hand. "How's it goin?"

"Eh," I shrugged. "It's been a long night."

"Yeah, but at least it's the weekend. You want anything to drink?"

"Whatcha got?"

"Coke. And I think there's some Captain Mo's over there if you want some," he replied gesturing to the bar.

"Oooh, works for me," I smiled sincerely, flashing my teeth briefly. He rose from the couch to get me a drink. I looked over at the guy in the folding chair and nodded to him. "Hey Tim. How's your night been?"

"I'm definitely glad it's over," he answered, reaching for his cell phone. "Fucking Beth," he mumbled under his breath.

"Girlfriend?" I inquired nonchalantly, recognizing the expression immediately.

"Yeah. She's pissed, 'cos she thinks I'm getting drunk tonight," he rolled his eyes and stuffed his phone back into his pants pocket. I nodded in understanding. "I told her we're just watching a movie and kicking back a few beers, but she has to go and make a big deal out of it."

I smiled and shrugged in silent apology, not really sure what to say. I never really understood girls like that. In my experience, the more you tell a guy not to do something, the more he'll want to go out and do it. I guess some girls just have no tact. I, however, would always err on the side of diplomacy. Although, sometimes that didn't even work. That was why I was here, after all.

Hojo, who had wandered back toward the couch, handed me a glass of ice, a can of coke and the bottle of rum, deciding I should probably mix my own drink. He was very considerate, at least. I poured a little more of the caramel colored liquid over the cubes of ice than I probably should have before adding the soda and swirled it around in my hand a few times, trying to mix it. I took a sip and shuddered slightly. It was good and strong. Immediately I felt the heat of the alcohol meeting my stomach.

"Strong?" Hojo inquired, watching my reaction.

I shrugged again for probably the hundredth time that night. "Not too bad."

He moved to the entertainment center and put a DVD into his game console. The movie he put in was about some 80's hair band. It was kinda cheesy, but it had a decent cast. We watched, discussed and laughed at the movie, each becoming more and more inebriated (especially myself) as it played. Around the time I was finishing my third drink, the movie ended. Will and Tim, who had stopped drinking about halfway through the movie, rose a couple minutes after the credits ended.

"Well, we better head," Tim yawned, walking toward the stairs.

"Yeah... I gotta clean house before my barbeque tomorrow," Will added. Then turning to me, "Hey you going to that?"

"Uh, sure.. What time?" I was trying not to slur.

"Round seven."

"Sweet, see you there," I mumbled, celebrating my luck. That was two nights of distraction in a row!

They said their goodbyes, and I gave a tired peace sign, before they were out the door and driving off toward their respective homes. Hojo looked over at me, and I tried to be a little self-conscious about my shirt, which was falling off one shoulder, but I was too drunk to really care.

"Up for another movie?" he inquired, realizing happily that I wasn't going to be able to drive home any time soon.

"Sounds good." I closed my eyes for a second, leaving them shut a few extra seconds due to my complete exhaustion. The rum was making me sleepy.

"Whatcha wanna watch?"

"I'm not picky," I yawned, waving my hand lazily, my shirt sliding farther down my arm. I reached over exaggeratedly and yanked the offending material upwards. Hojo laughed quietly to himself before turning to pick out a movie. He chose a screwball comedy that we had both seen before. It didn't matter to me. I was suddenly dead tired. I sank into the couch, shivering a bit.

Hojo's light brown eyes didn't seem to miss a thing. He grabbed a blanket off the back of a chair, and draped it over both his and my legs as he sat back down on the couch. I started to feel a sort of panic welling up within me. He was actually going to try something tonight. I wondered if I should leave, but I was too drunk to drive and too tired to attempt to successfully repel him. Anyway, it felt kinda nice not being alone.

When we was settled comfortably beside me, I leaned away slightly, hoping he would get the hind. He didn't try to slip an arm around me, or move at all really, other than to grab and sip his beer, and I was grateful. I relaxed and tried to focus on the movie. But I was starting to doze. I closed my eyes, telling myself I would only keep them shut a second, but when I opened them, morning light was snaking its way through the half closed blinds behind the bar.

I lifted my head off of what I realized was Hojo's broad chest, feeling slightly ashamed at the small spot of drool I had left behind on his t-shirt. We were still on his couch, and my back was screaming at me for it. I shot up suddenly and reached for my cell phone. Somehow, it was 9 o'clock in the morning. My sudden movement woke him, and he sat up as well.

"Guess we fell asleep," he mumbled, his eyes heavy with sleep and his brown hair mussed. He was kinda cute, I realized, but there was no way I would ever be able to feel anything for the poor guy, who was probably getting the wrong idea since I had stayed the night. My only solace in the situation was that nothing serious had occurred.

"Looks like," I replied.

"We should move down to the bed. It's more comfortable than the couch," he yawned stretching.

I sat there for a second before saying, "I really oughta get going. I got some stuff to get done today before I go to Will's tonight. See you there?"

I rose, trying to ignore his crestfallen expression. Poor Hojo.

"Yeah, sure," he muttered, clearly disappointed.

"Okay, cool.. Well thanks for inviting me over. It was fun," I said hurriedly, pulling on my jacket and gathering my keys and phone.

"Yeah, thanks for coming over," he replied following me down the stairs and to the front door. "Drive careful," he instructed as I slipped out into the chilly, gray morning.

"I will," I called, trying to prevent myself from sprinting to my car. I was probably blowing it out of proportion, but it felt extremely awkward, and I was in a hurry to be out of the situation. I decided I really needed to find a better distraction as I pulled away from his house. Something that I actually wanted so I didn't feel so guilty.

My phone went off. I opened and looked down at it as I sped off toward my house. It was a text from Hojo. I closed the phone, not even bothering to read the text and turned the volume off. At least he was a decent distraction. The thought didn't console me.


End file.
